PERFECT RECIPE FOR LIFE

Today was the second lesson in my cake decorating course. The name of the technique we were learning was “floodwork”. Below is a photo of “Bart”, which was created by the teacher as an example of what we were aspiring to. He’s meant to go on top of a cake of course. My facial expression, while the teacher was explaining the technique, actually looked very much like Bart’s!

We began by mixing our royal icing, just the same as we’d done last week, which went well. But when it came to the “floodwork” part of our lesson, it got really tricky. “Floodwork” is when you pipe out a picture outline using black icing, and then fill it in with coloured icing, just like an airbrushed painting. I wish I was able to get a photo of my hands covered in red icing, dripping all over my work area – it was very funny. After a little practise though, I finally got the technique and below are my “works of art”, “Elmo” and “Ladybug” – I’m very happy with my results:

Now to share my next cupcake/life analogy:

It’s hard to find a recipe for the perfect cupcake.

I’ve tried so many cupcake recipes so far, yet I still haven’t found the perfect one. The cupcakes end up too hard, too soft, too big, too small, too sweet, not sweet enough…you get the idea. I don’t mind though, as I love baking, and especially when it’s with my daughter. It gives us quality time together, doing something we both enjoy. I also love it when my son licks the bowl and wooden spoon afterwards, and tries to kiss me with a sticky mess on his face. It’s those little things that bring so much joy into the simple matter of baking.

In life we are also searching for perfection. But if we care to notice, we will find joy in many of the simple things along the way. Will we ever find what we consider to be the perfect life? Maybe we will; but probably not. We humans always want more – more time, more money, more clothes, more shoes, more happiness, more perfection. We’re always in pursuit of the next best thing. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think wanting to improve your life is a bad thing, as long as we’re appreciating it as we go.

We need to stop to “smell the cupcakes”; find joy in everyday life experiences; find peace and contentment in the simplicities of life. For me, waking up to a new day is enough to bring me joy; learning something new makes me happy; a kiss from my husband makes me feel special; a hug from my kids makes me feel loved. These may be small things in the scheme of life, but they bring a HUGE amount of joy!

My perfect cupcake recipe is probably just around the corner, and it will be very exciting when I finally discover it. However, I’m even more excited that I may be closer to discovering the main ingredients in “the perfect recipe for life”. Notice I didn’t say “the recipe for a perfect life”. It’s only a slight change of wording, but it’s so pertinent, because life can never be “perfect” in the obvious sense of the word. Instead, it is filled with a myriad of emotions and experiences – sadness, loss, anger, contentment, joy, bliss and so many more. The very things that make us human! Have you ever thought that if it wasn’t for sadness, we wouldn’t know what happiness was? If it wasn’t for loss, we wouldn’t know how good it was to be hugging a loved one?

A friend of mine recently attended a conference for work, entitled ‘Happiness & its Causes’. I instantly wanted to know more, as I was interested to find out whether this would help in my search for “the perfect recipe for life”. Could it be that the professionals who spoke at this conference had discovered the vital ingredients I’d been looking for?

Whilst browsing through the notes from the conference, I found that I recognised some of the names and could tell that all of them knew a thing or two about life, so had the authority to be speaking about it. I’d like to share some of the main points I found to be thought-provoking:

* One of the speakers was Lindy Chamberlain-Creighton. I was very young when she was in the news, but I still remember the story vividly. Lindy discussed the importance of forgiveness and how it is a vital ingredient in moving on with life. If Lindy didn’t master the art of forgiveness, how else would she have been able to move on after being falsely accused of murdering her own baby, when it was actually a dingo that took it in 1980? When she talked about her experiences, Lindy said “Moving on is like trying to eat an elephant. If you take it bit by bit, you’ll get there eventually, but if you try to eat the whole elephant at once it will just fall and crush you.” She also stated that, “You choose to forgive. It is a skill that anyone can learn. We can be the hero in our own life….Is the choice not to forgive worth all the ruined days and nights in your life?”

A final quote from Buddha used in the discussion about forgiveness really got me thinking. “How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you learn to let go?” Maybe these are some of the questions God will ask when we get to Heaven. I hope to be prepared with some good answers!

* Former Premier Bob Carr discussed the importance of literature and enlightenment in achieving contentment in life. He spoke of the “joy of a rich inner life”. I knew there was a reason that I love books and learning so much – I think it provides me with a “rich inner life”, which brings me joy! This is also one of the reasons I love being a teacher – teachers are continually learning and passing on their knowledge to others. I think what Bob means is that the sharing of knowledge brings enlightenment, which leads to contentment and ultimately, happiness! Our lives can be so enriched by learning from others – this is what I intend on doing until I’m old and grey. I hope I never get to a point in my life where I think I know it all!

An attending psychologist made the following poignant statements about achieving happiness, even in the midst of hard times:

– “It is only through loving that we are made whole” (even though love hurts sometimes).

– “We are healed by a suffering only by experiencing it in full” (sometimes we don’t know how we’ve been healed or what we’ve learned until the suffering is over).

– “We grow through pain and we learn more from failure than from success” (we can learn from our mistakes and failures, and therefore become better people).

I’ve been through some pretty hard times recently, but have learnt so much from these experiences. Hard times can build character, so rather than resenting these times, we need to embrace them for their ability to improve us in some way.

* One professor told an old American Indian tale to illustrate the power of positive emotions and attitudes:
“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’”

There are so many times in life when we just want to throw in the towel. We want to focus or “feed” on the negative. But it doesn’t do us any good. It has been so much easier for me on my breast cancer journey to see the positive in things. Good thoughts have fed my mind and my soul; they’ve kept me “nourished” in really tough times. For that reason, I’m determined to feed the “good wolf”, rather than the “evil” one, in my life!

* Naomi Wolf, author of the book “The Beauty Myth”, spoke about the effect of the media, advertising and body image on women. She stated that media has an influence on levels of happiness and revealed that, “In the 1960s, models were eight per cent thinner than the average woman. Today, they are thirty per cent thinner.” This is frightening. A quick look in any magazine will show you exactly why we all think we’re too fat, too short, too pale, too dark, or a heap of other criticisms we have of ourselves. Even men are bombarded with images of the “perfect male” with a “six pack” or “abs of steel” – this too effects the way men see themselves.

I’m forever telling my daughter how beautiful she is, how clever she is, how valued she is – it’s so important for us to see ourselves as women of worth. I’m also sure to tell my son how gorgeous he is, how amazing he is, how talented he is – our male counterparts need to see themselves as men of worth as well. I believe we are amazing beings, created by an amazing God – we need to acknowledge this!

* A doctor talked about how social networks shape who we are and what we do. I know that when I’m around someone who is positive and smiling all the time, I love to be around that person. They inspire me to happiness, so I’m thinking maybe happiness is contagious. This idea is nothing new really. For thousands of years, the Bible has told us, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17). Or in today’s language, “You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, The Message Bible). So just as a sharpening steel makes a knife blade extremely sharp when it rubs up against it, two positive people can have a positive effect on one another! So we need to hang out with people who inspire us, teach us, motivate us, encourage us, give us constructive criticism and love us for who we are.

Even though we want to be happy one hundred per cent of the time, this is not what actually happens in real life. Although we can’t control happiness itself, we can control the way we cope with the ebb and flow of life. We can control the ingredients we put into our recipe. Some of the ingredients in “the perfect recipe” may just include the following:

· Happiness and obtaining joy from simple things
· Forgiveness
· Willingness to learn
· Growing from mistakes or tragedies
· Positive attitude and outlook
· High self-worth
· Hanging out with positive people.

Hope these ingredients help you get closer to finding your “perfect recipe for life”!