BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER!
Last week, I decided that I would make some cupcakes for my first Writer’s Club meeting, which was scheduled for Saturday at my place. The basic aim of our meetings is to get together once a month to encourage one another in our various creative endeavours. We found that some of us love writing, some painting or drawing, and others music or dance. For this reason, we’re calling it our Artist’s Club instead. Although we may differ in our creative focus, we all agree that the pursuit of art and creativity in its many forms is essential to a joyful and fulfilled life.
Since most of those attending knew all about my cupcake capers, I thought I’d better make some of the little treats for the occasion. So I came up with the idea that I would decorate some with miniature notepads and pens. I also wanted to try a different cupcake recipe to see if it would be the perfect one I’d been searching for.
Once I had the recipe ready, I began to measure and mix with careful precision. I took it very seriously in order to ensure that I did everything exactly as it was written in the recipe. With the batter looking smooth and creamy, I proceeded to dollop an ice cream scoop amount of batter into each patty pan. Using the ice cream scoop as a measuring tool was a piece of advice given to me by one of my loyal readers, keen to see me find the perfect cupcake recipe.
Peaking through the oven door, I could see that the cupcakes were rising evenly:
And although they weren’t as uneven as my previous cupcakes had been, they still had a few cracks (which ultimately means that my search for the perfect recipe continues):
Once the cupcakes were cooled, it was time to start decorating. I was especially excited about the miniature notepad and pen idea, but thought I’d mix it up with some other designs to add a bit more colour and interest:
We had planned an afternoon tea. Since it was such a beautiful balmy Saturday, I decided to set up out by the pool:
When it was time for a cuppa and sweets, the cupcakes made a great first impression:
As soon as I placed them on the table, cameras and iPhones were snapping. Everyone was keen to record the day’s creativity – maybe the cupcakes really were a work of art?! I don’t know anyone who doesn’t thrive on praise – I was delighted by the reaction to my cupcakes!
But how would the taste test go?
One person, two people, three…..they liked them! Then one of my gorgeous nieces, who is very straightforward, took a bite of her cupcake, screwed up her nose and said, “The icing looks and tastes great Aunty Jen, but the cake part is a bit dry!”
Her comment cracked everyone up. She was not meaning to be rude; she was just giving “constructive criticism” to assist in my search for the perfect recipe. Her opinion was that this was definitely not it! I may have been offended if it had been anyone else, but as it was, I was completely fine about it because I know she loves me.
When making cupcakes for others, you need to be prepared for either praise or criticism.
Receiving praise is usually an uplifting and welcome occurrence, no matter who it comes from. However, when it comes to constructive criticism, I only consider it acceptable coming from two possible sources – an employer if you have one, or a person who has first proven their genuine love for you. I don’t think anyone else should take the liberty to criticise, constructive or otherwise.
Why is it then that we are so quick to criticise? Why is it that we find it easier to criticise than to praise? Why do we so often save open praise for a person at their retirement or funeral? Or quietly sing a person’s praises to someone else, rather than to the person directly? Is it the dreaded tall poppy syndrome spreading its weeds? Or is it that we just haven’t mastered the art of praise yet?
Apparently, the importance of praise was noted as far back as Aristotle, who was born in 384 BC. He equated praise with advice. In other words, if you want someone to be helpful in a less begrudging manner, you could say, “Thank you for being so helpful!” This praise would often cause the person to rethink their poor attitude and change it. I’ve experimented with this and it actually works!
But before Aristotle there was God!! There is an excellent recommendation in the Bible which says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29, Today’s New International Version).
I’m aware of the existence of magnificent cupcakes, breathtaking artworks, amazing writing; countless products of creative giftedness bestowed upon individuals by a Creative God. I believe that God gave every individual an amount of creativity; it’s just a matter of tapping into it. Whatever I produce, whether a mediocre cupcake, a strange abstract painting, a nonsensical piece of writing, or an incomprehensible melody, I think it makes God smile. In fact, whenever I’m being creative, I actually feel closer to God, which has been pertinent in my healing journey.
What a boring world it would be if we were never to share our creativity. I’ve tried to imagine a world full of blank walls, plain white canvases, empty books, deserted art galleries, un-iced cupcakes – what a desolate place it would be.
I’ve always taught my children to accept praise graciously whenever it’s given. Instead of shying away from praise or responding with some silly remark, a simple “thank you” would suffice. I also teach them not to be too hard on themselves and their creativity. If I painted something and then said, “Oh that’s hopeless” and discarded it, what example would I be setting for them?
I began attending an art course a short time ago, but couldn’t actually continue as I got too sick with chemo. I went on to do the cake decorating course instead, but in the short time that I was able to get to the art course, I completed one abstract painting task that was set by the teacher.
Even though it’s not a painting I would put up on my wall, I refused to be ashamed of it. One person made the comment that “ the lines are a bit out” and that they didn’t really like it. But another exclaimed, “If you don’t want it, I’ll have it!” This reminded me that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”! Different people will find different things beautiful. I wasn’t offended at all by the first comment, as everyone is entitled to an opinion. I don’t particularly like this painting either and would never display it on my wall, but I did keep it as evidence that no matter what anyone else thinks, I will never allow the opinions of others to rob me of my creative freedom.
You may also recall my mentioning another painting I completed whilst on chemo, which I actually ended up selling on eBay. Again, I didn’t like the painting enough to keep it, but the person who bought it obviously did. What I did like though was the process of painting it, which I found to have a therapeutic effect on me during some of my hardest days of treatment. I realise now that this was because it’s at those times when I allow my creativity to flow freely, that I feel closest to God.
When I wanted to frame some artworks that my children had done to put up on our walls, they were opposed to the idea initially. I took this opportunity to make the point that since creativity is a gift from God, we should never be ashamed to use it or share it. When they asked, “Why don’t you put one of your paintings up then?” I had to be a positive role model. So I put up my watercolour painting of a street in Paris, one of my dream holiday destinations:
Then I was allowed to put theirs up. First my daughter’s painting of Paris:
Then a creation by my son when he was in Year 2:
Not every creative endeavour will necessarily end successfully, but the important thing is that we never deliberately block the flow of creativity. Even if I’m not completely happy with the outcome, these days I’m always happy with the creative process itself, with its therapeutic benefits.
Another part of my healing journey has been regular visits with the Clinical Psychologist in the Cancer Therapy Centre. These visits have been vital in equipping me with a number of strategies for dealing with illness and trauma. I also find it a great venting space for all the things that freak me out about cancer, as I don’t want to be constantly burdening my family with these fears and worries. At my last visit, it was recommended that I complete an online self compassion test (which can be found at http://www.self-compassion.org/how_self-compassionate_are_you.html).
I’ve always considered myself to be a compassionate person, but it’s usually easier to be kinder to others than we are to ourselves. I was pleased to have attained a high self compassion score, which I don’t think would have been the case pre-cancer. I always had such high expectations of myself and felt nothing I did was ever good enough. But through my cancer experience I have gained the ability to be kind to myself!
In addition to being kinder to myself, I’m aiming to master the art of praise and kindness to others. This will take thought. It will take a moment to think before I speak. It will take self control, so I don’t just say the first thing that pops into my head. It will take tact, discernment…and basic common sense!
There are certainly times in life when honesty is the best policy. But there are also times when another old saying applies – if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all!
For me, to hear an encouraging word is like receiving a precious gift. It builds me up and nurtures my self esteem. Rather than being quick to judge and slow to praise, my aim is to give the gift of encouragement whenever I can!
