Today was the fourth lesson of my cake decorating course, and the plan was to learn how to create some more flowers from icing. After making the beautiful handmade roses last week, I was wondering how much better it could get.

I arrived in class to find a magical bouquet sitting on the table, which had been prepared by the teacher earlier. I had to look twice at the summery bunch of frangipanis, as I thought they were real for a moment. Since my daughter loves frangipanis, I wanted to do a really good job so I could proudly present them to her when I got home. You’ll see how they turned out below, but suffice to say, that she absolutely loved them. My son made the clever comment “I could have done that”. When I asked how, he answered, “Just go out to the garden and pick them”. That was his way of telling me how real my flowers looked. Then my husband got home and said how amazing they looked as well. I was chuffed with their reaction!

But to get to that point, not only did I have to master the frangipanis, but I also had to create something I’d never heard of before – a “dog rose”. That was going to be hard, since I’d never heard of one, let alone seen what one should look like. I found out later that “dog rose” is just an interesting name for a prickly wild rose.

Below is what a real dog rose looks like when it occurs in nature (so I had a bit of work ahead of me to achieve something that looked like that!) The teacher showed us step-by-step instructions, making it look so easy. Although I didn’t think it was actually going to be that easy, I didn’t feel the “frangipani-like pressure” with the dog roses, because like me, my family wouldn’t have a clue what one should look like anyway. So when it came to the creation of my dog rose, I could pretty much have the “anything goes” attitude. This certainly took the pressure off and made the final result even sweeter!

(Image from http://www.bartbusschots.ie)

There was a lot to accomplish in two hours, so I let the rolling and cutting begin:

The frangipanis were made with five simple petals:

 

The dog roses, which were a little more complicated, were made with five large petals, 3 small ones, 7 stamens and a dollop of soft icing:

 

And a little while later…. voilà! All finished:

I’ll now detail why “sharing is caring”!

It’s good to share cupcakes with others.

I get such a buzz when I’ve baked beautiful cupcakes and I get to share them with loved ones. I’m honoured when they comment on how yummy they are, or how amazing they look. It’s so much better than just eating them on my own.

Okay, so I love sharing good cupcakes. But sometimes I’m also forced to share some “not-so-good” cupcakes. You know, the ones you can’t hide quickly enough, and the family just have to taste them. I watch their faces to see their reaction, but I already know what to expect. They’ll say something like, “they’re not your best cupcakes sweetie, but they’re edible”; “it’s alright Mum, they’ll be better next time”; or “Oh, I’ll just have half now and finish the rest later”. I know it’s all going to be fine though, because no matter how bad my cupcakes are my family still loves me. They don’t ditch me because of my bad cupcakes. In fact, they are confident that my cupcakes will be better next time and encouragingly tell me so.

It’s the same when I share my life with family and friends. There are bits of life that are not always pleasant. Life is not always happy and cheery and fun. We go through times of trouble, sadness, sickness. But genuine love and care is when we are willing to share life in the hard, as well as, the easy times – not just in times of laughter, but also tears; times of joy and sadness; prosperity or financial hardship; good health as well as times of sickness.

From the time my kids were really little, we had a wonderful saying – “sharing is caring”. We were trying to teach them that it’s good to share. We didn’t just mean sharing our things, which is great of course, but we also wanted them to learn the importance of sharing ourselves. Sharing our lives with loved ones is the very essence of a meaningful life. Imagine doing life alone – how sad.

Throughout my breast cancer journey, there have been many unforgettable moments, along with others I’d prefer to forget. But the unforgettable moments that stand out, are those special times with special people, that may have not meant a lot to them, but which I will treasure forever. They were moments that made a huge impact on me and made my life worth fighting for. They were people who were willing to share my journey no matter how hard; people who didn’t ditch me when I lost my hair from chemo; people who weren’t embarrassed to push me around in a wheelchair (when I broke my ankle and still had no hair!); people who didn’t avoid me because I was 10 kilos heavier from cancer drugs and steroids, and didn’t know what to say to me; people who had patience with me when I didn’t have enough energy to walk or talk; and people who were distressed by my changed appearance but loved me for who I am on the inside.

These were my loved ones, my motivators, my encouragers, my personal trainers, who cheered me on when I thought I couldn’t go another step; who nurtured me when I felt hopeless; who prayed for me when I was too weak to pray for myself; who remembered the Jen I was before I got sick; who told me I was beautiful in spite of how ugly I felt; who held my hand or hugged me when I was too sick to talk; who visited me even when I was not much fun to be around; and who never lost confidence that I would soon be a new and improved version of my old self again!

I constantly see these people in my mind’s eye and I will forever treasure them in my heart. Words can’t adequately express what their support has meant to me, but I pray for them always. I thank God for sending them to share my life and I’m confident that He saw what they did for me. It’s like that old saying, “what goes around comes around”. I’ve never really liked the way that saying is used in a negative way, so I’d like to use it in a positive way instead. That is, in the circle of life, I believe that what we do for others, we can expect that others may do for us one day; I believe that to have a friend, we first need to be friendly; I believe that to be lovable, we need to be lovely; and I believe that if we genuinely care for someone, we must be willing to share our lives with them.

I hope that sharing is the key to rotating your “circle of life”, and that you always remember that “sharing is caring”!

 

Today was the second lesson in my cake decorating course. The name of the technique we were learning was “floodwork”. Below is a photo of “Bart”, which was created by the teacher as an example of what we were aspiring to. He’s meant to go on top of a cake of course. My facial expression, while the teacher was explaining the technique, actually looked very much like Bart’s!

We began by mixing our royal icing, just the same as we’d done last week, which went well. But when it came to the “floodwork” part of our lesson, it got really tricky. “Floodwork” is when you pipe out a picture outline using black icing, and then fill it in with coloured icing, just like an airbrushed painting. I wish I was able to get a photo of my hands covered in red icing, dripping all over my work area – it was very funny. After a little practise though, I finally got the technique and below are my “works of art”, “Elmo” and “Ladybug” – I’m very happy with my results:

Now to share my next cupcake/life analogy:

It’s hard to find a recipe for the perfect cupcake.

I’ve tried so many cupcake recipes so far, yet I still haven’t found the perfect one. The cupcakes end up too hard, too soft, too big, too small, too sweet, not sweet enough…you get the idea. I don’t mind though, as I love baking, and especially when it’s with my daughter. It gives us quality time together, doing something we both enjoy. I also love it when my son licks the bowl and wooden spoon afterwards, and tries to kiss me with a sticky mess on his face. It’s those little things that bring so much joy into the simple matter of baking.

In life we are also searching for perfection. But if we care to notice, we will find joy in many of the simple things along the way. Will we ever find what we consider to be the perfect life? Maybe we will; but probably not. We humans always want more – more time, more money, more clothes, more shoes, more happiness, more perfection. We’re always in pursuit of the next best thing. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think wanting to improve your life is a bad thing, as long as we’re appreciating it as we go.

We need to stop to “smell the cupcakes”; find joy in everyday life experiences; find peace and contentment in the simplicities of life. For me, waking up to a new day is enough to bring me joy; learning something new makes me happy; a kiss from my husband makes me feel special; a hug from my kids makes me feel loved. These may be small things in the scheme of life, but they bring a HUGE amount of joy!

My perfect cupcake recipe is probably just around the corner, and it will be very exciting when I finally discover it. However, I’m even more excited that I may be closer to discovering the main ingredients in “the perfect recipe for life”. Notice I didn’t say “the recipe for a perfect life”. It’s only a slight change of wording, but it’s so pertinent, because life can never be “perfect” in the obvious sense of the word. Instead, it is filled with a myriad of emotions and experiences – sadness, loss, anger, contentment, joy, bliss and so many more. The very things that make us human! Have you ever thought that if it wasn’t for sadness, we wouldn’t know what happiness was? If it wasn’t for loss, we wouldn’t know how good it was to be hugging a loved one?

A friend of mine recently attended a conference for work, entitled ‘Happiness & its Causes’. I instantly wanted to know more, as I was interested to find out whether this would help in my search for “the perfect recipe for life”. Could it be that the professionals who spoke at this conference had discovered the vital ingredients I’d been looking for?

Whilst browsing through the notes from the conference, I found that I recognised some of the names and could tell that all of them knew a thing or two about life, so had the authority to be speaking about it. I’d like to share some of the main points I found to be thought-provoking:

* One of the speakers was Lindy Chamberlain-Creighton. I was very young when she was in the news, but I still remember the story vividly. Lindy discussed the importance of forgiveness and how it is a vital ingredient in moving on with life. If Lindy didn’t master the art of forgiveness, how else would she have been able to move on after being falsely accused of murdering her own baby, when it was actually a dingo that took it in 1980? When she talked about her experiences, Lindy said “Moving on is like trying to eat an elephant. If you take it bit by bit, you’ll get there eventually, but if you try to eat the whole elephant at once it will just fall and crush you.” She also stated that, “You choose to forgive. It is a skill that anyone can learn. We can be the hero in our own life….Is the choice not to forgive worth all the ruined days and nights in your life?”

A final quote from Buddha used in the discussion about forgiveness really got me thinking. “How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you learn to let go?” Maybe these are some of the questions God will ask when we get to Heaven. I hope to be prepared with some good answers!

* Former Premier Bob Carr discussed the importance of literature and enlightenment in achieving contentment in life. He spoke of the “joy of a rich inner life”. I knew there was a reason that I love books and learning so much – I think it provides me with a “rich inner life”, which brings me joy! This is also one of the reasons I love being a teacher – teachers are continually learning and passing on their knowledge to others. I think what Bob means is that the sharing of knowledge brings enlightenment, which leads to contentment and ultimately, happiness! Our lives can be so enriched by learning from others – this is what I intend on doing until I’m old and grey. I hope I never get to a point in my life where I think I know it all!

An attending psychologist made the following poignant statements about achieving happiness, even in the midst of hard times:

– “It is only through loving that we are made whole” (even though love hurts sometimes).

– “We are healed by a suffering only by experiencing it in full” (sometimes we don’t know how we’ve been healed or what we’ve learned until the suffering is over).

– “We grow through pain and we learn more from failure than from success” (we can learn from our mistakes and failures, and therefore become better people).

I’ve been through some pretty hard times recently, but have learnt so much from these experiences. Hard times can build character, so rather than resenting these times, we need to embrace them for their ability to improve us in some way.

* One professor told an old American Indian tale to illustrate the power of positive emotions and attitudes:
“One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, ‘Which wolf wins?’ The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’”

There are so many times in life when we just want to throw in the towel. We want to focus or “feed” on the negative. But it doesn’t do us any good. It has been so much easier for me on my breast cancer journey to see the positive in things. Good thoughts have fed my mind and my soul; they’ve kept me “nourished” in really tough times. For that reason, I’m determined to feed the “good wolf”, rather than the “evil” one, in my life!

* Naomi Wolf, author of the book “The Beauty Myth”, spoke about the effect of the media, advertising and body image on women. She stated that media has an influence on levels of happiness and revealed that, “In the 1960s, models were eight per cent thinner than the average woman. Today, they are thirty per cent thinner.” This is frightening. A quick look in any magazine will show you exactly why we all think we’re too fat, too short, too pale, too dark, or a heap of other criticisms we have of ourselves. Even men are bombarded with images of the “perfect male” with a “six pack” or “abs of steel” – this too effects the way men see themselves.

I’m forever telling my daughter how beautiful she is, how clever she is, how valued she is – it’s so important for us to see ourselves as women of worth. I’m also sure to tell my son how gorgeous he is, how amazing he is, how talented he is – our male counterparts need to see themselves as men of worth as well. I believe we are amazing beings, created by an amazing God – we need to acknowledge this!

* A doctor talked about how social networks shape who we are and what we do. I know that when I’m around someone who is positive and smiling all the time, I love to be around that person. They inspire me to happiness, so I’m thinking maybe happiness is contagious. This idea is nothing new really. For thousands of years, the Bible has told us, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17). Or in today’s language, “You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, The Message Bible). So just as a sharpening steel makes a knife blade extremely sharp when it rubs up against it, two positive people can have a positive effect on one another! So we need to hang out with people who inspire us, teach us, motivate us, encourage us, give us constructive criticism and love us for who we are.

Even though we want to be happy one hundred per cent of the time, this is not what actually happens in real life. Although we can’t control happiness itself, we can control the way we cope with the ebb and flow of life. We can control the ingredients we put into our recipe. Some of the ingredients in “the perfect recipe” may just include the following:

· Happiness and obtaining joy from simple things
· Forgiveness
· Willingness to learn
· Growing from mistakes or tragedies
· Positive attitude and outlook
· High self-worth
· Hanging out with positive people.

Hope these ingredients help you get closer to finding your “perfect recipe for life”!