The battle lines are drawn

Warning: This post may be confronting, so please proceed with caution…


Have you ever experienced the devastation of war? 


Been a selfless soldier, or helpless civilian caught up in a senseless atrocity?
Or someone sent in to rebuild in the aftermath of a horrific war – a rescue worker, medic or nurse? 

War can be defined as a state of armed combat between two different groups.

I have watched war movies, read books and heard about wars…unimaginable fear, maimed bodies, painful scars, lost lives…but fortunately have never set eyes upon such an experience in real life. 


I have experienced a war of another kind though. A war that seems never ending. A war which results in maimed bodies, painful scars and lost lives. A war I’m hearing about every which way I turn. An indiscriminate war effecting young and old, rich and poor, male and female. A senseless, atrocious war that has no reasonable explanation. A war I’ve experienced first hand – the CANCER WAR!


I love the motto “Make love not war”. 


It’s such an honourable motto to live by in our day to day lives with our husbands, wives, kids, parents and others dear to us. But over the last few years, I’ve realised that some wars are absolutely necessary. Some enemies give us no choice but to fight to the death. Cancer is one such enemy. 


Cancer casualties are growing at a rapid pace. Like a rampant virus, horribly out of control and set to destroy the earth. Just in the last week, I have been completely shattered by the news of 2 young people who have lost their battle to cancer, and so many others continue to do it tough in the thick of this outrageous cancer war.


You might remember this photo of me whilst in the middle of chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer in 2009:





Yes, I’m smiling. But what my smile signifies is this…it’s my war cry to cancer, my version of the Haka to scare the bejeebers out of this ruthless enemy…

The battle line between us is drawn!
You will never take away my faith and hope!
You can never touch my spirit and soul!
I will fight you to the end!
I will never ever give up!

Cancer continues to steal our loved ones, causes immense pain and strikes fear into the depths of our being, but it will never escape the will of humanity to eradicate it. As long as we have the memories of loved ones lost, while ever we are forced to live through the trauma of cancer ourselves or watch someone we love go through it, we have the necessary fuel to keep on fighting. 

Cancer is the enemy. We can’t just give in to it. We must fight back.  


Raising funds for the National Breast Cancer Foundation is now the main strategy in my battle plan. Unlike so many before and after me, I got through the darkest days of cancer treatment and still have my life. Why me though? There must be a reason and a purpose for it. 


I am truly blessed and grateful beyond words to be alive. We are all different and have a right to deal with the things life throws at us in our own way. We’re all called to do something with our lives though. For me, I really believe that I’m meant to continue fighting this battle against cancer for as long as I can. 


My road to Paris, which started out as a fundraising challenge for the Paris Marathon last April, has become a much longer road than I originally envisaged. This journey has gone well beyond Paris already and seems to be set to go on indefinitely.


I don’t know exactly where this road will take me, but my next stop is the City2surf on Sunday. I’m using the invitation to join in this event as a sign that I must continue raising awareness. I must stay true to what I think I should be using my story for…to raise funds for the National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF). 


If you find it in your heart, and are willing and able to join me in this battle against cancer, please support me by making a donation to the NBCF at my everyday hero fundraising page. Every single dollar brings NBCF researchers closer and closer to their goal of “no more breast cancer deaths by 2030”! 


Together, we can do it! If we don’t, who else will?


And who knows, maybe our unified battle plan will see us beating the dreaded cancer enemy even quicker than 2030! Let’s never, ever give up!


Jennifer xo

 

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Facing my fears

On Tuesday, I had the honour of being one of three guest speakers at the University of Sydney for a National Breast Cancer Foundation research update.

From left: Lydia Nicholson (NBCF Sports Fundraising Program Manager), me, Sue Cameron (National Manager NBCF Outreach Bureau)

 

From left: Dr Belinda Thewes (Researcher, University of Sydney), me, Dr Alison Butt (Director of Research Investment, NBCF)

 

NBCF’s National Research Roadshows bring the latest news in breast cancer research from NBCF-funded researchers and breast cancer survivors. These events give a ‘behind the scenes’ glimpse into breast cancer research.

Dr Belinda Thewes is the researcher who was invited by NBCF to discuss her world-first study into a psychological phenomenon, known as ‘fear of cancer recurrence’. Over 70% of young women, living with a past diagnosis of breast cancer live in fear of it returning, creating significant stress and anxiety. 


I can certainly vouch for that…I live with this fear every day.  Although I have found some strategies to help me get past the fear daily, I do feel encouraged that there is research being done to help, so that I’m not alone in this. If you’re a cancer survivor reading this and you’re experiencing fear and anxiety, chin up, you’re not alone. This research shows that even though our treatment may be mostly over, and we may even look like our “pre-cancer selves” again, but our trauma is not forgotten by some 🙂 The NBCF has our back!


You can find out more about the roadshow on my NBCF Fundraising page.


It would also be great if you could support the amazing research efforts of the National Breast Cancer Foundation by making a donation on my Everyday Hero/City2Surf fundraising page. My current tally stands at $16,252, a little short of my $20,000 target. But a very wise person once said, “never ever give up”, so I’m not!


City2Surf is only a few weeks away, so I may not post again until afterwards…I look forward to reporting back how I go 🙂


Would love to know if any of you awesome blog readers are doing the City2Surf for a charity?

Jennifer xo

P.S. Did you notice the yummy mini cupcakes in the top photo? Lovely Sue Cameron couldn’t resist pointing them out to me and telling everyone about my “Life’s like a Cupcake” blog! Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how they tasted as I didn’t have one…I’m in training for the City2Surf remember?!

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Kissed by an angel

Team Pink back together again – Carol (on my left) & I are doing the City2surf on 12th August, 2012
I couldn’t have done the Paris Marathon without our other Team Pink member,
my sister Rita…& she’s joining us again in the City2surf!

 

 
Do you believe in angels?
 
I’d like to think there are angels that flit about the earth protecting us, giving us messages from heaven, watching over us.
 
Recently, one of my brothers had an amazing experience with a random guy who walked into his art gallery and started describing our parents. This guy then gave each of us 10 siblings a message from our Dad who passed away 12 years ago. The messages were personal, accurate and mind-blowing. This was my message:
 
“Jenny stop being pedantic and stressing over little things. Keep writing, it is good for you. You can help your brothers and sisters. You are strong but certain things you have to learn to let go.”
 
I believe it was an angel. I believe this truly was a message from my Dad. Nobody else knew the extent to which I have been stressing over little things lately. To the outside world, I always try to show my “poker face”, but on the inside I worry all the time about the big things of life and the little things…am I a good wife, am I a good mum, am I a good daughter, am I a good sister, am I a good friend?? Now that I’m back from Paris, what am I going to do with the rest of my life? Is the cancer going to come back? What will I cook for dinner? When will I get the dusting done? How is the washing going to dry in this weather? …..You get the picture: it doesn’t matter whether it’s a little thing, or a big thing, I’ve been worrying about it!
 
The angel, as I like to call him, also said…
 
“I am with you always. I see you laugh, I see you cry, I see you worry…I want to see you happy.”
 
There were other things said, which my brother put in an email to all of us, which I won’t share here, but as I read, tears streamed down my face. It was like a kiss from my Dad, a hug from heaven to let me know that he loves me even from heaven. A message to encourage me to stress less, and write more. So this is what I’m trying to do.
 
For some reason, I stopped writing, hence the lack of blog posts for a long time. I thought, who would want to read what I have to say? What am I writing for, it’s such a waste of time? 
 
But I realised that writing is the equivalent of dreaming for me. My imagination runs wild with my writing, and my dreams seem to come to life. My negatives turn to positives, and the little things that tend to worry me suddenly disappear.
 
This angel told me to “Write, it’s good for you. Write, it will help others, Write, it’ll help you let go!”
 
So I’m taking heed. Writing really is therapy to me…
 
In between loving my family, working my toosh off and everything in between, I’ll continue to write. I have always loved writing and found it therapeutic to be journaling my thoughts and feelings particularly during my cancer challenge. I started blogging a few years ago as a way of recording what I was going through and all that I was learning along the way. Writing became an instrumental part of my healing process – allowing me to say things I needed to say, but also helping me focus on the loveliness of life, rather than dwelling on the negative. It got mighty boring writing down my complaints all the time, so that eventually changed to writing about my hopes and dreams for the future.
I love bearing my soul and sharing my innermost thoughts through writing. I love the therapy of getting the clamor of injustice out of my head. I love touching the heart and conscience of other humans.
In the same way cancer has led me to love my life more than I ever have before, writing has led me to the realisation of how awesome this big old world of ours is. Just as reading a good book can transform your mind and take you off to new lands, writing can help you escape the daily grind. For me, it was a question of whether I wanted to constantly write all about my fears and negative stuff, or if I’d rather escape into my dreams and desires for the future. I chose the latter. I believe that our words have the power to become our reality, so I’m right into positive affirmations, and speaking things into being.
I love this quote I read once:
“The great pleasure in life lies in doing what people say you cannot do” – Walter Bagehot.
Whilst going through my darkest days of cancer treatment, I imagined myself traveling to New York City, a destination I’d dreamt about for so many years. I told myself, and anyone else who would listen, that when I got better I was going to NewYork. And in September 2011, I indeed walked the beautiful streets of the city that never sleeps. I watched my son skateboard through Central Park, I peered in the stunning shop windows of 5th Avenue with my daughter, and I snuck a passionate kiss with my husband in the back of a yellow cab in the middle of the night in New York city traffic, just like I’d seen in all the great movies!
I actually achieved my dream…I got to New York!
Sure, there may have been some who said I couldn’t do it – but I did!
Then there were probably some who might have said I couldn’t go where my shoes were taking me next. In April 2012, I had the amazing opportunity to travel to the beautiful city of love, gay Paree.
Not only was it a city I had longed to visit ever since I can remember, but I participated in the Marathon de Paris to raise funds for the National Breast Cancer Foundation.
Yes, even with my cancer diagnosis, even with my permanent ankle and back injury, even though I’ve never been a very athletic sort of person, and even though I’m not rolling in cash…I did it!
So what’s next? The City2surf 🙂 On the 12th August 2012, I’m continuing on my road to Paris journey…I couldn’t bear giving up after Paris. The original Team Pink girls – Carol, Rita and myself – are going in the City2surf (thanks to a bit of a nudge from Carol!)
 
Together, we raised over $20,000 for the National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF) from our participation in the Paris Marathon. But remember there was a third Team Pink member, Sam, who was to participate in the marathon with us…sadly she lost her breast cancer battle just a few weeks before the marathon, leaving behind two young children.  This devastating loss served to ignite my passion for the cause even further, and I am committed to doing all I can to help NBCF researchers get to their goal of “no more breast cancer deaths by 2030”!
 
So my latest challenge is to continue to fundraise the extra $10,000 for Sam. I’m already over half way, but to give people an incentive to help me reach my target of $20,000, I’m doing the City2surf. To be honest, I can’t quite believe I’m doing this again so soon, but 14kms along the beautiful Sydney coastline is surely going to be a whole lot easier than the gruelling 42kms in the Paris Marathon…although come to think of it, just being in Paris was a huge plus!!
I must admit, I’m not looking forward to the notorious “heartbreak hill” that everybody’s warning me about, but I am looking forward to being with my Team Pink girls again…I’m also excited about reaching my $20,000 target with your help!
 
 
After all, the greatest pleasure in life lies in doing what people say I cannot do!
 
Tell me, have you done the City2surf? And have you ever been kissed by an angel?

Jennifer xo

IMPORTANT NOTE: Please support the continuation of my Road to Paris fundraiser…my new City2surf challenge for the NBCF. You can make a tax-deductible donation online at my Everyday Hero Fundraising Page! Thanks, love ya heaps xx

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Back to reality

 

Seed pods magically floating through the Paris air like snow
Goodbye Paris, hello reality!
Why is it always so hard coming back from holidays?
Departing was such sweet sorrow…
To come home from a city as magnificent as Paris was not tinged with “sorrow” because I was coming home, because I love home…that was the “sweet” part. The “sorrow” part was that I had to leave the most beautiful place I’ve seen on this amazing planet so far!
How I miss the historical buildings, world-renowned galleries, fashionably bourgeois locals, romantic language and the oh-so mouth-watering pastries. They were so enticing that I soon forgot about my cupcake obsession, and it became all about the French pastries…ooh-la-la!
How I wish I was not so restrained with my pastry consumption…I could have just started the healthy eating again when I got home. How much damage could I have possibly done with only 9 days of pastry eating?! Surely not too much since I also walked a marathon in the middle of all that eating.
Anyway, it seems that I’m just going to have to get back to that city I’ve fallen head over heels in love with one day. Not just for the tantalising pastries, but just so that I can “be” in Paris.
To just “be”…sit and watch the city go by; stroll through the parks at a leisurely pace; stand and stare at the Mona Lisa until I’m the last one there (if that’s even possible); buy more than a few too many French berets to bring home and not care about the cost; speak that most delightful of languages until I sound like a local; and gaze into my lover’s eyes at the top of the Tour Eiffel with a bright starry night enveloping us.
Yeh sure, departing was such sweet sorrow, but it’s a natural part of life. Some good things come to an end. They simply must. But what lasts forever are the wonderful memories of the person or the experience that we’ve departed from.
There are other times when departing is not so sorrowful. Times when departing from a person, or a particular situation may actually be life-changing and enhancing in a way you never thought possible.
Some things aren’t good for you. Some people aren’t good for you. And when you make the decision to depart from them, it could very well be one of the best life decisions you’ve ever made.
Time is precious. Life is precious, and way too short. Don’t waste it. “Be” who you were created to be! “Be” with the ones you love and who love you! “Be” courageous and choose to have the best life you possibly can!
I found the following quote earlier which seemed to confirm this for me…that in life, departures may be sorrowful for a while, but the sweetness is just around the corner!
“Tell yourself:
Everything will work out.
Things will get better.
You are important.
You are worthy of great things.
You are loveable.
The time is now.
This too, shall pass.
You can be who you really are.
The best is yet to come.
You are strong.
You can do this.”
(Very wise author unknown)
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Putting your “best” face forward

It’s so strange coming back from an adventure of a lifetime and then having to get back to “life as usual”!

What is “usual” or “normal” anyway?

So the marathon is done! Where to from here?

You may remember me saying that crossing that finishing line in the Marathon de Paris was going to mark the beginning of the rest of my life.  What I didn’t realise when I said that was how much confusion and anxiety would well up in me upon my return from Paris.

When you’ve come face to face with a life-threatening illness, the thought of life and death seems to be always on your doorstep. And the big question: “what is my purpose in life?” is forever weighing on your mind. At the end of my life, will I have done my Creator proud? When there is only a memory left of “Jennifer” here on this planet, will it be a memory that is pleasing to my loved ones?

In my day to day life as a wife and mum, and now that I’m back working part-time as a teacher, I have people who look to me for things like guidance, reassurance, love and nurturing. A responsibility sure, but also a great honour. So as I awake each morning, my aim is to quell any fears or anxieties I may have about cancer or death, or my purpose in life, and instead pray for peace and hope and the strength to put my “best face forward”!

It reminds me of exactly what most of us do on Facebook….of course we put our “best face forward”. Our profile pictures are packed with beaming smiles, we upload photos that show us wondering around exotic Parisian streets, or visiting New York art galleries and the like, and we’re busy creating a certain “self-portrait” for all the “Facebook world” to see.

But in the “real world”, we have hard days, sad days, really bad days. Who wants to post these on Facebook. Well, I guess some people do, but who wants to read about it?

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May 2009, the first thing I did was deactivate my Facebook account. I figured it was hard enough that my world had come to a screeching halt, I didn’t want the torture of watching everyone else’s go on without me! What I didn’t quite realise at the time was that I was doing most people a huge favour – it was a case of “out of sight, out of mind”. Unless one cared to contact me by some other means, or ask after me, they would never have known that my world consisted of constant visits to the hospital oncology unit, multiple painful surgeries, intensive chemotherapy and radiation treatments, hair falling out in clumps and an unbearable change to my physical appearance, and an inner misery beyond words that could only be consoled by knowing I was loved – my Creator and my family loved me. This is what got me out of bed each day.

Eventually, I did reactivate my Facebook account. Why not? After all, I was starting to look “normal” again. I could now move on with my life as if nothing had ever happened.

But the thing is, something did happen. Something that can’t be trivialised, or fixed by a simple “like” on Facebook. Something that has led to a cloud of confusion and the big question about my true purpose in life. A cliche? Maybe. But for those of you who truly love me and “get me”, I know you’ll wait patiently for me while I continue this journey of self-discovery 🙂

My road to Paris was not my final destination…

Jennifer xo

PS. By the way, I started the “Couch to 5K” training program today…I figure I’m not going to let anyone tell me that this body, miraculously fashioned by the amazing Creator of this universe, created to walk, run and dance in freedom, will never run again!

And this is what I listened to as I ran…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs

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I made it – a Road to Paris update!

I made it….well, sort of!

Yes, I actually got to the finish line of the Marathon de Paris…it was in a round about, crazy sort of way though, which I will explain. The important thing however, is that I got my medal and I’m happy with what I achieved 🙂

Read more

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20 days & counting

Today, I’m in recovery mode after a long 32kms walk around the Bay Run in Five Dock, Sydney. It was a glorious day, but 6 hours in the sun finally took its toll, and I ended up sleeping from 4pm in the afternoon until 9.30am this morning!  The only enticement to get out of bed was a healthy breakfast lovingly cooked by my hubby, followed by a very therapeutic massage…I know, I’m blessed!

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KEEP SMILING

‘Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.’ Aristotle.

 

Happiness means different things to different people. To me, the pinnacle of happiness is to be blessed. Family and friends may have noticed that I don’t often use the word “luck”. It’s usually, “Oh, what a blessing”, or “You are so blessed”! 
What could be better than to be blessed by God. The most amazing thing about it, is that He blesses us in the most unlikely of circumstances. Even in hard times or tragedy, we’re blessed.

You know, when my brother was making the video for my recent fundraiser dinner, he asked if I could send him some photos of when I was having chemo. It was the strangest thing, but every single photo I found, I had a huge smile across my face. Even in the one with my bald head for all the world to see, I have the cheesiest grin ever!

The same cheesy grin!!

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We did it….together!!

 

“My Road to Paris” Fundraiser Dinner was held on Saturday night…and after hours of planning, I’m extremely pleased to say it was a huge success! Amazing food, fun atmosphere and awesome entertainment! Thank you to each and every person who attended and participated in any way!!

I feel like shouting from the rooftops…WE DID IT! Together, we exceeded my fundraising target of $10,000! Thanks to all of my beautiful sponsors and supporters, we’ve now raised a whopping total of $13,522.00 for the National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF)!

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I Don’t Know

In recent weeks I’ve been thrown a few curve balls that have caused me to throw my hands in the air and ask the big question…WHY? 
Sometimes things happen and we eventually become fully aware of the reason. However, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there are many other times when things happen and we will never know why. It’s at these times, I believe, it’s just better to simply accept the status quo and move forward.
There’s no use trying to work out why something happened, or what I did to deserve it, or why I should feel sorry for myself. All of this expends a lot of energy for no positive return.
Instead, I pour my energies into loving my precious family and the life I have, treasuring each moment on this beautiful planet of ours, and of course, training for the awesome Marathon de Paris.
I still think I’m crazy, but I’m training to do a 42km marathon to raise funds for the National Breast Cancer Foundation (for those of you who may not know), and I’m proud to say that last week I successfully completed a half marathon with these two gorgeous gals…
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